Deciphering the Rwandan Stare

If you spend any measurable amount of time in Rwanda, you will inevitably be subject to the Rwandan stare (henceforth: “the stare”). This is not to be confused with the typical stare you receive as an obvious tourist in most countries. No, no, dear reader. Much like the Indian stare, the stare will leave you feeling like your observer is attempting to penetrate your very soul. It can be an odd and unsettling experience, but it’s one that I’ve become quite used to. I’ve added it to the list of things that will naturally happen to a foreigner who lives in Rwanda. I don’t find it insulting because I’ve even seen Rwandans do it to each other as well.

As one Rwandan associate put it, when she sees people she doesn’t know, she unconsciously starts staring, pondering who they are, who their parents are, why they’re here, and what they do. “And yes, sometimes there’s judgment,” she added, with a laugh. She further explained that when she’s outside of Rwanda, she has to force herself to suspend the habit of staring, because she knows that it’s considered impolite in other countries.

As we continued joking about our experiences with the stare, we realised that most women in the conversation (both Rwandans and foreigners) had experience the stare in a different way from the men. One Rwandan man commented that Rwandans do tend look up and down at anyone they don’t recognise. Apparently the woman-on-woman staring goes to a whole new level, which one friend coined “the down-up stare.”

The down-up stare is the one that is probably laced with judgment. It starts with an assessment of the shoes (Girl why did you wear those shoes out of the house?), goes up to the attire (But your shoes don’t really match your outfit.) and ends with the regular stare in the face. (Who are you and why are you here…?) It is important to note here that Rwandans are fond of dressing smart (i.e. very well-dressed) and the foreigner rolling up to the coffee shop in her sweatpants, will immediately be spotted as an outsider. I laughed at this synopsis, because women all across the world do this, don’t we? We see a woman we don’t know and we immediately begin to size her up. The difference seems to be that we are intentionally discreet about it, while Rwandans do not care to spare your feelings while gazing into your soul.

So if you’re ever in Rwanda, and find yourself the object of an intense gaze, just relish it as part of the experience. One foreigner suggested that the way to overcome the stare is to actually stare back more aggressively. I think if I tried that I would just end up laughing at myself. But if any of you dear readers would like to try that tactic, let me know how it works out for you.

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11 thoughts on “Deciphering the Rwandan Stare

  • January 18, 2017 at 4:20 pm
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    OMG this is so on point… I am Rwandan and for the past four years I have been in the States. While I was abroad I developed a habit for running and now that I am back, “the stare” almost stopped me from running. I tried to run too early but people are up and ready to look. I still run but it’s some leap of faith. The motor bikers, the truck drivers, people selling on the street, everybody has to turn and look at that strong built, 5’9″ woman who is all sweaty and not nearly done. I feel like some men give me an offended stare as if I shouldn’t be running, and some women stares are like: “who does she think she is?”. All I want is running in peace, but my fellow Rwandans are ain’t buying that. Haha!

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  • April 13, 2015 at 5:28 pm
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    LOL this is funny to me! I’m so happy I found your blog. My mom is originally from Rwanda. She just left last week to visit Uganda which is where she met my dad. Unfortunately, I haven’t had the pleasure of visiting either. But we’re planning a trip in the next year or two with the whole family. And I can attest the the Ugandans have a similar stare even here in the US #noshame lol

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    • April 13, 2015 at 7:55 pm
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      Haha. I’ve been to Uganda 3 times now, and I don’t think they have anything on the Rwandan stare. Lol. It’s awesome that you’ll be going to visit. There’s lots to see and do in Uganda.

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  • April 9, 2015 at 6:57 pm
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    Yes, the stare. I have found this to be the case in Egypt and a few other countries where curiosity is trumps all else.

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  • April 8, 2015 at 9:34 pm
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    I find Germans stare too, but that if you hold their gaze, they get embarrassed and back off.

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    • April 11, 2015 at 8:53 pm
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      I’ll keep this in mind for whenever I make it to Germany 🙂

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  • April 8, 2015 at 1:34 am
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    I feel like I get this stare ever so often here in the US. Maybe not as blatant as you describe but it happens nonetheless. Anyway, its so interesting that men had different experiences.

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    • April 11, 2015 at 8:53 pm
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      Interesting. I lived in the US for 8 years. I never got a stares quite like this.

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  • April 7, 2015 at 5:00 am
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    I love this article. Such a nuanced look at foreign travel and examining things that others may not even think to contemplate. Very interesting!

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  • April 6, 2015 at 2:23 pm
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    Wow,”DECIPHERING THE RWANDAN STARE” very interesting article. I don’t know if I would like the stare but its an experience. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply

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